Tribute From Myron

The early 1900's were difficult for hyphenated Americans. They had to struggle to gain acceptance into jobs, schools and society. They faced prejudice and obstacles that are unknown today. To succeed, they had to work incredibly hard. We are here to celebrate the life of Frances G. Lee who was born in this time. Her life is a story of fulfillment of the American dream.

Mother was in born in 1908 in Providence, Rhode Island to P.F. Moy and F.S. Moy A.k.a. Ah Poh. Her father was a elderly widower with four grown sons by his first wife, so mother had four half brothers when she was born. She also had a blood brother George who was born in 1907 and tragically died of Rheumatic fever at 15. P.F. Moy divorced Ah Poh and left the family soon after mother’s birth. Ah Poh, moved in with Quing Moy, Auntie Tessie’s father and mother’s oldest half-brother. They lived together with Quing, his wife and their five small children. They were in the laundry business. This was not successful so they moved to the Bronx in 1918 to start another. Ah Poh was multi-talented. She became a mid-wife, money-lender and started a fortune cookie manufacturing business.

She passed on many of her talents to mother. Mother was an excellent scholar, straight A’s. Her mother and her half brother H.C. Moy taught her as she later taught us that education and discipline were the keys to success. She graduated at the top of her class at Julia Richmond High School in 1926 and won a New York State’s Regent’s scholarship. In 1930, she graduated with honors from NYU’s School of Commerce in Accounting. She was one of the few Chinese American women of that time to earn a college degree. She met my father at NYU where he was studying at the School of Commerce, majoring in Banking and Finance. They were married in 1931 and lived in Chinatown. Shortly thereafter, my father became the first Chinese to work for the Chase Bank in New York. His prospects for promotion were poor so in 1933 our family went back to Shanghai, China where he found a good job with the Bank of Communications, a major bank. This enabled us to live very comfortably.

Beginning in 1937 with the Japanese invasion, we were forced to flee to Canton and later to Hong Kong where we enjoyed three years of pampered prosperity. Father was now a high officer of the Bank. Mother became chief translator to the American Counsel, George Sutter, in Hong Kong. This qualified our family as members of the US diplomatic mission. So in event of war, we would be repatriated back to the states.

When the Japanese conquered Hong Kong in December 1941. They burst into our home which then housed over 50 relatives and friends. Mother and some of the women were able to hide from looting soldiers by hiding in a secret passage. In January 1942, my father became CEO of the Bank of Communications in Hong Kong. In late 1942, we were miraculously repatriated to the US in a diplomatic exchange.

Back in wartime New York City, times were hard for us. My father couldn’t find a job in Banking and we quickly ran thru our savings. Uncle Wah Gee and Auntie Tessie Lee helped out a lot. Father eventually found a job with Uncle Al Leong, selling restaurant supplies on the East Coast. This was difficult for mother as he would be gone for a week at a time then come back for a few days, then be gone again.

Mother found a job as a Secretary at Columbia University. Mother taught us how to be students. She had a disciplined, relentless attitude towards learning. I remember mother with a sweet smile, firing us up! I can still hear her "Always do more!" "Finish up perfectly!" She reviewed our homework and made sure they met her Olympican standards. She took us children to the Public Library on Saturdays and introduced us to the Encyclopedia. She said, "if you can’t define it, you don’t understand it." "Look it up, write it down, show it to me!" She introduced us to great men and women. She was especially fond of Shakespeare, Keats, Tennyson, Madam Curie, Franklin and Lincoln.

In 1950 friends and relatives backed father to open a Chinese restaurant in Westport CT, the first Chinese restaurant in Fairfield County. Mother was the Comptroller, gradually our prospects became better. In business and life, mother and father were a perfect team. Mother was the conservative, detail-minded, frugal partner to father’s extroverted charm, new ideas & go-getter personality. It was a wonderful partnership for 54 years. By the early 1960's, the restaurant became successful and life became much easier for our parents. Patsy and Georgia were happily married near-by. Many friends and relatives lived in the New York area. Two grandchildren were nearby and two more were in Indiana. They could finally relax a bit after 20 hard years of struggle in America. They traveled extensively in the US and abroad. They played a lot of tennis, entertained and visited family and relatives. They saw a lot of their nearby grandchildren, Lawrence & Beverly Au. This quarter century of good times came to an end when my father died in 1984.

After a difficult period of mourning, mother thrived. She ran the family real estate business. She played a lot of tennis, golf, bridge. She tended her garden and was active in the Hospital Guild and charity work. She entertained family and friends and did incredible amounts of reading. She traveled to Europe and Asia. When she was nearly 80, she climbed all over the Great Wall of China. She went on a cruise to Bermuda when she was 90. She had one serious marriage proposal when she was 89 and another when she was over 90. Nobody can say she was lacking in sex appeal!

All of family know of Por Por’s eccentricities which blossomed during this time. She bought a store dummy and kept him at her side in the kitchen or her car to ward off muggers. She kept a baseball bat under her bed for any eventuality. She kept the radio and televisions blaring all over the house so in case robbers got in, they would think someone was awake. The lights were on 24/7. Some of the lights came from our old New York City apartment. The wiring was often defective, therefore the lights frequently flickered on and off by themselves so by passer byers would always think someone was up. Unfortunately these lamps were hazardous so if you touched the on button, frequently they would zap you and mother would laugh.

Mother had her own strange vocabulary. One of her famous sayings is so and so is N.G. N.G. meant "no good." Whenever she didn’t like something or somebody, she would jut out her jaw and make a very grumpy face and grunt "Ug." She would go on funny diets like eating salmon 7 days a week for 6 months and then suddenly stop. I would ask her why and she would say, "I’m sick of it!" She had white kitchen timers all over her house that regulated her life in every room. They would be clicking away, whether she was awake or asleep....click click click and then suddenly, ding ding ding. The first sound you would hear in her house was the click click click of the timers and then the sudden loud ding ding ding’s. These alarms would propel her to her next activity. I asked her why she was doing this. She said, "Kant regulated his life to the minute and lived to a very ripe old age!" Obviously this worked for her!

At age 89, mother had two severe car accidents in Westport. She realized her driving days were over and she could no longer live alone in her house. Most of her old friends in Westport had passed away. She made up her mind to die soon after her 90th birthday. She would go out under her own terms while she was still in control. She got our family altogether to celebrate her 90th Birthday. First we all went on a cruise to Bermuda. After this, she had a big weekend birthday celebration in Westport and gave away most of her shares of the family business. She also planned her funeral. Mother liked control! She wanted her favorite people there, her favorite hymns sung, her favorite psalm and poetry read and her favorite food served. She wanted Eugene Eoyang, her son-in-law to deliver the main Eulogy. Her memorial service today is the way she would have wanted it.

But mother did not die. All her life she had been a survivor of tumultuous events. She had survived a difficult upbringing, the War years in China, struggles in New York, my father’s death, the loss of practically all her old Westport friends. She still had a strong will to live. She was a cat with 9 lives. She lived for another 12 years.

The family decided she would move in with me in Lake Tahoe and Salt Lake City. She initially resisted the idea, however, once she moved in, she found life in Salt Lake congenial. Salt Lake had a Chinatown. There were no end of restaurants, shopping and markets to explore. We had a steady stream of family and visitors, many of whom played bridge and discussed the stock market. Mother even continued to run the family business.

Mother was thriving because she now had the family coming to her and she was the boss. She had regained control! She would order me around to do her bidding. Please and thank you were a foreign language to her. When she was 92, we went to the top of the mountain by the Snowbird Tram. At 11,000 feet, when she saw the skiers whizzing by she said, "Wow, that looks like fun; I’d like to try it!"

She got great pleasure out of the great grandchildren. They were all born in her Tahoe years and came one after another, nine in all. She took a renewed interest in life. I took her out sailing on my sailboat and she played some tennis with the grandchildren. These games were always played under her own rules. If Por Por had to move to hit a ball you lost a point. No lobbing or you lost another point. She even got out sometimes on the putting green. She played lots of bridge and watched the stock market closely every day. She would tease me "don’t expect to inherit anytime soon, only the good die young!"

We went with her to San Francisco a number of times a year to see relatives, go shopping and visit her Doctor. We linked up again with her half-brother H.C. Moy’s family; his two daughters were there with their husbands. She also went back to Connecticut to my sister Georgia’s art exhibition when she was 96. She was still climbing the stairs three times a day to have her meals and walking 1500 steps everyday.

In 2006, when she was 98, she began to get small strokes. She recovered from each one, but each stroke took something more out of her. The end came suddenly and peacefully from a sudden heart attack soon after her 101st birthday. She had seen or talked to practically everybody close to her around her birthday. As always, she was in control and went out under her own terms. I talked to her a few hours before she died. She was happy, lucid and even told me what to get her for Christmas!

Mother’s wonderful saga is the American dream fulfilled. Her life is an inspiration to all of us who follow. The first 50 years were years of trial. The last 51 years were dreams fulfilled.

I close with parts of mother’s favorite poem, "Ulysses" by Alfred Lord Tennyson:
"Come my friends,
Tis not too late to seek a newer world....
For my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die
It may be that gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
and see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will.
To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield."


Myron

Family with Gung Gung and HC Moy

Here is HC Moy on the left. His wife is on the far right. Also, with his son Lincoln, Auntie Alice with Junion, Gung Gung with his arm around Lincoln's sister, (Julie?) Help me out with the names Carol and SallyAnn. I know your parents are in this picture.

Moys and Lees

Carol Yuke visited Por Por frequently in Lake Tahoe and collected many stories which I hope she will share with us!

Left:
Por Por is on the left (?) with her brother, HC Moy's family and Auntie Alice with Junion?

Sermon at Christ & Holy Trinity Episcopal Church

Westport, Connecticut 30 January 2010

Memorial Service for Frances Moy Lee:
Ps 23; Wis 3:1-5, 9; 1 Cor 15:20-26, 35-38, 42-44, 53-58; Jn 6:37-40

--Thomas Eoyang

Good afternoon. My name is Thomas Eoyang, Jr., Tommy to my family. I’m Eugene Eoyang’s youngest brother. Most of us here refer to the one whose life we celebrate today as Por Por, but I hope you don’t mind if I call her what I’ve called her since childhood—Auntie Frances—because to me and to my siblings she and Uncle Eddie were more truly our aunt and uncle than any of the aunts and uncles we were related to by blood.

The two families, the Lees and the Eoyangs, have had a close relationship since long before Eugene and Pat got married. We form a clan of families interwoven by multiple threads. Uncle Eddie and my father were members of the same fraternity that brought New York area Chinese families together for summer reunions and Christmas parties. Pat and my sister Lillian were childhood playmates. My two brothers and I attended the Horace Mann School because Myron had attended before us. Pat, Lillian, and I all studied under the same piano teacher.

And new threads continued to be woven after Eugene and Pat were married. One of the more recent connections has never been properly acknowledged. When Elizabeth Lee was an undergraduate at Stanford, she visited my mother regularly at her Palo Alto home. Liz, we’ve never adequately thanked you for the time you spent with my mother in her sometimes lonely widowhood. I know it gave her comfort and stimulation to have the attention of a young person at that time in her life. Thank you for forming that relationship; thank you for sharing a part of your life with her during that period.

But I come before you now not as the baby brother of the Eoyang family, but as a priest in God’s Church, Episcopal division. And I come not to speak of the loving relationships among the Lees, the Aus, and the Eoyangs, nor to speak of the rich and amazing life of Frances Lee. I come to speak to you of the resurrection, because every service celebrating the life of someone whose earthly journey has ended is an Easter service. Even though we gather in mourning and sadness, my priestly duty is to speak of the resurrection, to remind us all that in a life of faith death never has the last word. And I’m aware that this will be a bit of an uphill climb, as we’re not all in the same place regarding the church and Christian faith.

For those of us who hear the word “resurrection” and think only that it signifies Christianity’s willful defiance of the laws of biology, allow me to review the story very quickly. God did not just pick some ordinary person to rise from the dead so that there would be one more unlikely religious doctrine to befuddle our gift of reason. The one whom we believe rose from the dead came into the world to teach, to preach, to feed, to heal, and to show by his words and his example what a new, transformed way of living a human life could look like. He stood firmly on the foundation of the Hebrew prophets who spoke of an abundant world where abundance would be shared; a peaceful world where weapons of destruction would be turned into the tools of farming, nation would not lift up sword against nation, neither would they learn war any more; a just world, where the oppression of one human being by another, or of one people by another people, would be resisted and overcome.

This teacher convinced a body of followers that this vision of the world as it could be was achievable if there could be a transformation of heart, if human beings could learn to act more often out of generosity than avarice, more often out of compassion than cruelty, more often out of justice than envy. He convinced them that this vision was in fact God’s vision and intention for humanity, God’s dream for us all.

But at the same time, the ruling powers of that historical moment, including the Roman Empire and the local Jewish state, saw the subversive power of this man’s teaching, and because such a radical transformation of the world would clearly threaten their interests, they executed him in a manner commonly prescribed for low-life criminals.

His followers were of course heart-broken and terrified by the death of their beloved teacher. But in their mourning and sadness, they realized their experience of him had been so powerful, so life-changing, so unprecedented, that they continued to feel not only his spiritual presence but his physical presence. Moved by the power of that presence, and by a spirit they called the Holy Spirit, they committed body and soul to continuing his ministry: to teach, to preach, to feed, to heal, and to show by word and example the transformed way of being human that he taught them.

This body of followers grew into a broad movement, and the movement grew into an extraordinarily successful and powerful institution. And, like all powerful human institutions, over time the church itself fell prey to many of the evil and oppressive human tendencies that we have not yet learned to overcome. But, inspired by the ever-renewing, constantly repeating experience of the resurrection, Christian faith and the church in every generation have also tried to call humanity back to that original transformative vision that Jesus taught his followers, that vision of shared abundance, of peace, of justice.

So what does any of this have to do with Auntie Frances? At least two things. Two very important things without which being human in this broken world hardly seems worth the effort: hope and love. The resurrection is possibly the most outlandish statement ever devised about the necessity and the power of hope: hope in the face of evil; hope in the face of oppression; hope in the face of death. A famous African American theologian once said, “Without hope you die, and there are a lot of dead people walking around.” If there’s one thing Auntie Frances showed with her life, it was the tenacity of hope. Facing repeatedly the oppression of systemic and professional racism in this country, she and Uncle Eddie persisted. In the thick of the deadliest and most global war in human history, they persisted. Facing the loss of her great love, her great partner in life, she persisted. Facing a lengthening old age, which many people find tedious and mortally depressing, she persisted. That degree of persistence, I would argue, does not happen without a deep well of hope, an indomitable will to wake up each morning to see what the new day will bring, a fundamental even if unstated sense that the world can be a better, safer, and more just place tomorrow than it is today.

And what of love? Is there any need to point out that every word you have heard spoken this afternoon is testament to the fierce, nurturing, quirky, and abundant love that Auntie Frances showered upon her husband, her children, her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and upon all of us privileged to know her; that her story from beginning to end is not only a story of persistence and accomplishment, of struggle and success, but above all a story of love? I have only to add that love is the through-line, the generative, foundational force of God’s story, of God’s dream for us. It is love that transforms our hearts, so that we in turn can transform the world to become the world that God intends.

Jesus says in the gospel of John, “And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day.” For me this passage is a statement of the law of the conservation of the human spirit, something akin to the law of the conservation of matter and energy: nothing is lost, nothing is wasted in God’s economy, in God’s physics.

My other brother Carson and his wife Kemay are grieving the loss of her mother earlier this year. My own parents departed this earth fifteen and twenty-three years ago. So, from my corner of this interwoven clan of families, all the members of that generation have now left us. But nothing is lost, nothing is wasted. We are all the heirs and the conservators of their legacy: their struggle and success, their spirit, their hope, and their love. In large part because of their legacy, this clan is rich beyond most people’s imagining in material things, in education, in professional accomplishment. The question I put before all of us now is what do we do with this abundance? To what purposes can we apply all the gifts that have been given to us?

Myron has said that Auntie Frances lived the American dream. As a beloved matriarch surrounded by generations of descendants, she can truly be said to have lived, also, the Chinese dream. In light of all that we have been given, in light of the legacy of abundance to which we are heirs, what I invite us all to do now is to think even bigger than either of those dreams, and to ask how we may enter into God’s dream—God’s dream of a world that is more peaceful, more loving, more compassionate, and more just than the world we have inherited.

By teaching us not just to do well, but to do good and to do right, by showing us through her words and example how to love, Auntie Frances, whether consciously or not, participated in the dream of God and left her corner of the world a better place than what she inherited. It is our turn now to make sure that nothing is lost, nothing is wasted. It is our turn now to work toward the world God dreams for us.

New Pictures from the Wonkai meeting

Another formal portrait from Shanghai

Tailgating

Great Wall

Elegant Golfer

Elegant Golfer

Driving Range

Driving Range

Westport House

Eddie and Frances

Another Family Portrait

Who's the man on the left?

Por Por's 100th Birthday

The past few days I've posted most of the video I have of Por Por. I realize there is an overabundance of the Lee family. I wish the video better represented Por Por's whole family who she loved so much. We are very blessed that she was with us for so long and that the great-grandchildren got to know her a little. She was such an incredible person.

It is astounding to me how flexible she was, even until the end. At the age of 90, she could undergo intensive surgery and relocate to the West coast (from a home she had lived in for over 40 years!)

Not only did she move once, but every year she also moved to Utah for the winter months. She actually enjoyed Salt Lake because it was an exciting city environment and had more stores. Also the altitude in Utah was not as high, and therefore not so taxing on her.

There have been many amazing support people who contributed to Por Por's long life. The woman in the turquoise Chinese jacket entering is Susan, the nurse who loved Por Por very much. I'm certain that Susan prolonged Por Por's life, in many ways. Not only in her wonderful care, but Susan stimulating Por Por by chatting with her all the time. She endured Por Por's complaints with infinite patience.

Susan said whenever Por Por was edgy, Susan would mend her clothes. That calmed her down. It was such a gift that Susan was with Por Por in those difficult years when she was physically challenged and needed help with everything. They truly had an understanding and a language together.



I posted many videos hoping that the family will enjoy seeing those "Day in the Life" moments she had with us. Please feel free to comment with stories and reminiscences. Again, I apologize that it's so Lee-centric. Growing up, it seems the other families really got to know Por Por and Gung Gung and spent much more time with them. We were too young for that, and lived a fair distance from them.

We (the Lees) are so lucky that we had this time with her, at the end of her life. I believe she had three sisters: Golden Phoenix, Jade Phoenix, and she was Lucky Phoenix. Watching these videos, I feel that we are the lucky ones. --Elizabeth

100th Birthday-Clip 2: "Thank you for your company for so long"

100th Birthday-Clip 3: Hellos and Goodbyes

Reinharts with Por Por

The 2 Franceses

Felix and Por Por

Ice Cream Breakfast

Miss America 2005

Thanksgiving 2005

Scissors

Thanksgiving Gravy: 2002

Some Bridge

It goes without saying that bridge was an important game in Por Por's life. Auntie Patsy said that Gung Gung even played cards for money at times. Por Por could be quietly competitive or table talk without reservation. If she had lousy cards, she'd walk around the table and change her luck. Try it sometime. It really works.

Double Birthday

China Stories

Frances Lee's Obituary

Memorial Service: Saturday, January 30, 2010, 1 p.m.

Christ & Holy Trinity Episcopal Church
Westport, Connecticut

Donations in Frances’ memory may be made
to the American Cancer Society.

Frances Moy Lee died on December 6th, two days after her 101st birthday.

Born Frances Gum Moy, on December 4, 1908, in Providence, Rhode Island, she was the daughter of Pink Fun Moy — of San Francisco; New York City; New Bedford, Massachusetts; Providence and Newport, Rhode Island — and Fong She, his second wife. Frances graduated at the top of her class at Julia Richmond High School in 1926, and earned an Accounting degree with honors from New York University in 1930, as well as winning a New York State Regent’s Prize. She was of one of the few women of that era — certainly, one of the few Chinese-American women — to earn a college degree.

In 1930, she married Edward Wonkai Lee; they had three children: Georgia (deceased), of Greenwich, CT; Myron, of Incline Village, Nevada; and Patricia, of Bloomington, Indiana; and Hong Kong. Frances raised her family through the vicissitudes of the Depression and World War II, and survived the vagaries of life in the United States and China during the 30’s and 40’s; in China, she was secretary to the President of Lingnan University in Kwangchow (Guangzhou), and she served as a translator-interpreter in the U. S. Consulate in Hong Kong until she and her family were repatriated in 1942. In 1950, she and her husband opened the West Lake Chinese Restaurant in Westport, Connecticut, which they owned and managed for twenty-five years.

She is survived by her son and younger daughter, nine grandchildren, and nine great grandchildren.

Haircut 1/7

Haircut

I had to break this video into segments. Por Por was having some trouble walking at this point, and Sue and I were both worried about her standing for too long. Of course, she was fine. The scissors were sharp, but very bulky. She had no trouble giving Sue a fine haircut.

Por Por was still giving herself a stunning red manicure. She took such great care of herself, it's no wonder she lived to 101.

It's probably one of my earliest memories of Por Por, when she cut Beverly's amazing head of hair in the Monroe house. --E.

Haircut 2/7

Haircut 3/7

Haircut 4/7

Haircut 5/7

Haircut 6/7

Haircut: 7/7

2001: Por Por with Jakey 2

Por Por with Jake

93rd Birthday-Clip 1: Gung Gung says, "Count your blessings"

2001: Por Por's 93rd Birthday, Video 1

There are about 16 videos from this birthday party / Thanksgiving. I'm just amazed. Po Po's so full of life. Her eyes are so bright.--Elizabeth

93rd Birthday-Clip 2: Moy Girl

Por Por's 93rd Birthday, Video 2

93rd Birthday-Clip 3: Foot Binding

Por Por's 93rd Birthday, Video 3

93rd Birthday-Clip 4: Hakka

Por Por's 93rd Birthday, Video 4

93rd Birthday-Clip 5: Antiques

Por Por's 93rd Birthday, Video 5

93rd Birthday-Clip 16: Lotion

Por Por's 93rd Birthday, Video 16

93rd Birthday-Clip 15: Electric Blanket

Por Por's 93rd Birthday, Video 15

93rd Birthday-Clip 14: Courvoisier

Por Por's 93rd Birthday, Video 14

93rd Birthday-Clip 13: Happy Birthday

Por Por's 93rd Birthday, Video 13