Tribute From Myron

The early 1900's were difficult for hyphenated Americans. They had to struggle to gain acceptance into jobs, schools and society. They faced prejudice and obstacles that are unknown today. To succeed, they had to work incredibly hard. We are here to celebrate the life of Frances G. Lee who was born in this time. Her life is a story of fulfillment of the American dream.

Mother was in born in 1908 in Providence, Rhode Island to P.F. Moy and F.S. Moy A.k.a. Ah Poh. Her father was a elderly widower with four grown sons by his first wife, so mother had four half brothers when she was born. She also had a blood brother George who was born in 1907 and tragically died of Rheumatic fever at 15. P.F. Moy divorced Ah Poh and left the family soon after mother’s birth. Ah Poh, moved in with Quing Moy, Auntie Tessie’s father and mother’s oldest half-brother. They lived together with Quing, his wife and their five small children. They were in the laundry business. This was not successful so they moved to the Bronx in 1918 to start another. Ah Poh was multi-talented. She became a mid-wife, money-lender and started a fortune cookie manufacturing business.

She passed on many of her talents to mother. Mother was an excellent scholar, straight A’s. Her mother and her half brother H.C. Moy taught her as she later taught us that education and discipline were the keys to success. She graduated at the top of her class at Julia Richmond High School in 1926 and won a New York State’s Regent’s scholarship. In 1930, she graduated with honors from NYU’s School of Commerce in Accounting. She was one of the few Chinese American women of that time to earn a college degree. She met my father at NYU where he was studying at the School of Commerce, majoring in Banking and Finance. They were married in 1931 and lived in Chinatown. Shortly thereafter, my father became the first Chinese to work for the Chase Bank in New York. His prospects for promotion were poor so in 1933 our family went back to Shanghai, China where he found a good job with the Bank of Communications, a major bank. This enabled us to live very comfortably.

Beginning in 1937 with the Japanese invasion, we were forced to flee to Canton and later to Hong Kong where we enjoyed three years of pampered prosperity. Father was now a high officer of the Bank. Mother became chief translator to the American Counsel, George Sutter, in Hong Kong. This qualified our family as members of the US diplomatic mission. So in event of war, we would be repatriated back to the states.

When the Japanese conquered Hong Kong in December 1941. They burst into our home which then housed over 50 relatives and friends. Mother and some of the women were able to hide from looting soldiers by hiding in a secret passage. In January 1942, my father became CEO of the Bank of Communications in Hong Kong. In late 1942, we were miraculously repatriated to the US in a diplomatic exchange.

Back in wartime New York City, times were hard for us. My father couldn’t find a job in Banking and we quickly ran thru our savings. Uncle Wah Gee and Auntie Tessie Lee helped out a lot. Father eventually found a job with Uncle Al Leong, selling restaurant supplies on the East Coast. This was difficult for mother as he would be gone for a week at a time then come back for a few days, then be gone again.

Mother found a job as a Secretary at Columbia University. Mother taught us how to be students. She had a disciplined, relentless attitude towards learning. I remember mother with a sweet smile, firing us up! I can still hear her "Always do more!" "Finish up perfectly!" She reviewed our homework and made sure they met her Olympican standards. She took us children to the Public Library on Saturdays and introduced us to the Encyclopedia. She said, "if you can’t define it, you don’t understand it." "Look it up, write it down, show it to me!" She introduced us to great men and women. She was especially fond of Shakespeare, Keats, Tennyson, Madam Curie, Franklin and Lincoln.

In 1950 friends and relatives backed father to open a Chinese restaurant in Westport CT, the first Chinese restaurant in Fairfield County. Mother was the Comptroller, gradually our prospects became better. In business and life, mother and father were a perfect team. Mother was the conservative, detail-minded, frugal partner to father’s extroverted charm, new ideas & go-getter personality. It was a wonderful partnership for 54 years. By the early 1960's, the restaurant became successful and life became much easier for our parents. Patsy and Georgia were happily married near-by. Many friends and relatives lived in the New York area. Two grandchildren were nearby and two more were in Indiana. They could finally relax a bit after 20 hard years of struggle in America. They traveled extensively in the US and abroad. They played a lot of tennis, entertained and visited family and relatives. They saw a lot of their nearby grandchildren, Lawrence & Beverly Au. This quarter century of good times came to an end when my father died in 1984.

After a difficult period of mourning, mother thrived. She ran the family real estate business. She played a lot of tennis, golf, bridge. She tended her garden and was active in the Hospital Guild and charity work. She entertained family and friends and did incredible amounts of reading. She traveled to Europe and Asia. When she was nearly 80, she climbed all over the Great Wall of China. She went on a cruise to Bermuda when she was 90. She had one serious marriage proposal when she was 89 and another when she was over 90. Nobody can say she was lacking in sex appeal!

All of family know of Por Por’s eccentricities which blossomed during this time. She bought a store dummy and kept him at her side in the kitchen or her car to ward off muggers. She kept a baseball bat under her bed for any eventuality. She kept the radio and televisions blaring all over the house so in case robbers got in, they would think someone was awake. The lights were on 24/7. Some of the lights came from our old New York City apartment. The wiring was often defective, therefore the lights frequently flickered on and off by themselves so by passer byers would always think someone was up. Unfortunately these lamps were hazardous so if you touched the on button, frequently they would zap you and mother would laugh.

Mother had her own strange vocabulary. One of her famous sayings is so and so is N.G. N.G. meant "no good." Whenever she didn’t like something or somebody, she would jut out her jaw and make a very grumpy face and grunt "Ug." She would go on funny diets like eating salmon 7 days a week for 6 months and then suddenly stop. I would ask her why and she would say, "I’m sick of it!" She had white kitchen timers all over her house that regulated her life in every room. They would be clicking away, whether she was awake or asleep....click click click and then suddenly, ding ding ding. The first sound you would hear in her house was the click click click of the timers and then the sudden loud ding ding ding’s. These alarms would propel her to her next activity. I asked her why she was doing this. She said, "Kant regulated his life to the minute and lived to a very ripe old age!" Obviously this worked for her!

At age 89, mother had two severe car accidents in Westport. She realized her driving days were over and she could no longer live alone in her house. Most of her old friends in Westport had passed away. She made up her mind to die soon after her 90th birthday. She would go out under her own terms while she was still in control. She got our family altogether to celebrate her 90th Birthday. First we all went on a cruise to Bermuda. After this, she had a big weekend birthday celebration in Westport and gave away most of her shares of the family business. She also planned her funeral. Mother liked control! She wanted her favorite people there, her favorite hymns sung, her favorite psalm and poetry read and her favorite food served. She wanted Eugene Eoyang, her son-in-law to deliver the main Eulogy. Her memorial service today is the way she would have wanted it.

But mother did not die. All her life she had been a survivor of tumultuous events. She had survived a difficult upbringing, the War years in China, struggles in New York, my father’s death, the loss of practically all her old Westport friends. She still had a strong will to live. She was a cat with 9 lives. She lived for another 12 years.

The family decided she would move in with me in Lake Tahoe and Salt Lake City. She initially resisted the idea, however, once she moved in, she found life in Salt Lake congenial. Salt Lake had a Chinatown. There were no end of restaurants, shopping and markets to explore. We had a steady stream of family and visitors, many of whom played bridge and discussed the stock market. Mother even continued to run the family business.

Mother was thriving because she now had the family coming to her and she was the boss. She had regained control! She would order me around to do her bidding. Please and thank you were a foreign language to her. When she was 92, we went to the top of the mountain by the Snowbird Tram. At 11,000 feet, when she saw the skiers whizzing by she said, "Wow, that looks like fun; I’d like to try it!"

She got great pleasure out of the great grandchildren. They were all born in her Tahoe years and came one after another, nine in all. She took a renewed interest in life. I took her out sailing on my sailboat and she played some tennis with the grandchildren. These games were always played under her own rules. If Por Por had to move to hit a ball you lost a point. No lobbing or you lost another point. She even got out sometimes on the putting green. She played lots of bridge and watched the stock market closely every day. She would tease me "don’t expect to inherit anytime soon, only the good die young!"

We went with her to San Francisco a number of times a year to see relatives, go shopping and visit her Doctor. We linked up again with her half-brother H.C. Moy’s family; his two daughters were there with their husbands. She also went back to Connecticut to my sister Georgia’s art exhibition when she was 96. She was still climbing the stairs three times a day to have her meals and walking 1500 steps everyday.

In 2006, when she was 98, she began to get small strokes. She recovered from each one, but each stroke took something more out of her. The end came suddenly and peacefully from a sudden heart attack soon after her 101st birthday. She had seen or talked to practically everybody close to her around her birthday. As always, she was in control and went out under her own terms. I talked to her a few hours before she died. She was happy, lucid and even told me what to get her for Christmas!

Mother’s wonderful saga is the American dream fulfilled. Her life is an inspiration to all of us who follow. The first 50 years were years of trial. The last 51 years were dreams fulfilled.

I close with parts of mother’s favorite poem, "Ulysses" by Alfred Lord Tennyson:
"Come my friends,
Tis not too late to seek a newer world....
For my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die
It may be that gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
and see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will.
To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield."


Myron